Buddy System

Ok I am writing this in hopes I can get my butt to the gym by my self. My worry about my husband going with his brother in the AM making it not as likely he will go with me in the pm has come true, well that and he has been on on call and called almost every time we have planed to go this week. I do not blame him I would not be so keen to go 2 times a day, oh wait that is one of my goals. My brother in-law needs him he is going through a divorce with phyco Charo. GRRRRRRR. I need to get over this fear of going by my self. I need this I like this I am so bound in feeling judged I am frozen unable to do it! I hate this I  want this so much for me I need a work out buddy. seriously I do even if it is just for a while till I get going, the support from friends and loved ones is great. right now I need the physical support of someone there. Not that is has to be fallowing me around or anything just someone to go with so I feel like less of a freak walking in and leaving. If I am feeling the need to hide I can go in the dark room. I know it is just an hour but it just is so daunting to do it.

they see me rollin...

I have been spotty at best the last 2 weeks at going to the gym I want to go but hate the alone time in the gym. I am better about the going and lifting with the big muscle heads and jerky teen boys staring at the fat lady lifting weights while my hubby is there. makes it easier to take. I find it funny that since I am the one that talked to a trainer and hubby is trying to use my exercises. I have to be correcting his form while people walking past look on with confusion at the fat woman directing the skinny man.  Since I am not willing to go alone and hubby is on call I miss days when we are ready to go and the phone rings and he is off to save lives or patch boo boo's. I love it though I love going I love confusing the jocks and something really good about just moving and doing good for me. I am surrounded by support. A few I wish I lived closer to so I could be work out buddies with them. Hubby is going to start going with his brother in the am so I am a little worried about him not wanting to go 2 times a day. I don't blame him his brother needs him I need to find a way to suck it up and get there and do more than hid in the dark room walking on a treadmill by myself.

The new me?????

                    I am not sure what happened I found it at least the last two days I have I found determination. I am not sure if something freed in me or what but I am so both ok with me and ready to work at being stronger. It feels good, more confidant some how. I went to the gym with my hubby last night and I sawed him the work out the trainer showed me. I had no qualms about walking back to the weights and doing it. I think some of that was having some one to go with: the other part was all me. I am ready to do standing firm and setting goals. imagine that I have an idea where I want to go and how I am going to get there. I hope this last I hope I did find some measure of freedom in going back to my 20th reunion. What ever it is I found I like it and I am hoping to build on it.